just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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