Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Walk of Shame today included voting.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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