Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Randomize
