watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
