Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
