just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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