We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
