When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I want to fling myself into the sun
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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