So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
