There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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