omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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