i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
