you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
