i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
