morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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