I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
