I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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