So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize