She's JV to your varsity
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
