oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
im six kinds of drunk right now
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize