Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
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