She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
