Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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