Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
