btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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