u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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