I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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