so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
as a side note pls kill me
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
