Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
