DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize