Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
