How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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