I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
how drunk are you?
Several
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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