he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
