I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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