I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
