dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
