Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
