Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
