My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
