omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I need water and some morals
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
