a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Randomize
