you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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