am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize