dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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