about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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