Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
