And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
