he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
if i can run in heels then i can drive
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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