As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
