I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
