You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
