hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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