I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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