i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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