I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
