i just google imaged poop.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
