oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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