this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
