So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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