so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
just tell him i said nine months
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
