Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
