well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
