I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
