WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
he was CRYING into my vagina
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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