Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
