I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
