i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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