1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
