Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
