3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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