i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
