How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Is it penis luge time yet?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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