Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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