we have pet lesbian snakes
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
