We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
