i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
