Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
