we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
