the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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