Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
