I think I died a long time ago.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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